Martha's Foolish Ginger
by phyca
Summary: Palex. Alex takes off after Paige slips up.


Paige was sleeping in on her first weekend after graduation when the phone rang. It was Meeri asking her to come in, informing her that Alex had quit without warning.

"Alex quit? Did she say why?"

"You didn't know? She just left a message on the machine early this morning."

Paige was confused. She called Alex's apartment, but no one answered. She tried again when she got back from work. And a half dozen more times that night. It was another two days before she finally got hold of her mother.

"Alex? Oh, Alex took off a few days ago. Dunno where she went. Didn't say. Don't think she's coming back. Took her clothes and stuff, you know?"

Paige made her promise that she would have Alex call her if she heard from her, but she doubted that even if she remembered she would actually do it.

The summer dragged on without word from her. Paige headed off to university that fall.

Back in Toronto the next summer, she asked around, but no one had heard from Alex. She called her mother, but the number had been disconnected. There were new tenants in her old apartment.

The next summer she managed to track down Jay. He spoke derisively, answering that he hadn't heard from Alex since she'd graduated.

The summer after her junior year, she stayed up at school. She had a new boyfriend, her second since starting college. Things were going well. Paul was handsome, smart, and ambitious. Over the next year, their relationship blossomed. She adored him beyond all reason. He was her confidante, her sounding board, her guide through life. When graduation rolled around, she knew that he was planning on popping the question at the celebratory dinner with her parents and Dylan present. She knew she'd say yes. She also knew that she wanted a long engagement, just to make sure everything was right.

The newly engaged couple traveled to Toronto that summer to spend a week with her parents. Paul peeked through her room, looked at the various items from her youth, and during this, came across a picture of Alex. He knew most of Paige's friends, both old and new, by now, but this girl was an unfamiliar face. He asked about her.

Paige took the photo. It was from early in their senior year, before they'd started dating. Her heart didn't expect such a sad reminder and she felt her eyes burning, but she held back the tears. She'd learned to not think of Alex much and she certainly never looked at old pictures of her.

"Well?" asked Paul, confused.

"Oh, sorry. Just remembering. She was an old friend. We…we had a falling out. My fault. Haven't spoken to her in years."

"That seems to happen to you a lot, being the guilty party."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You just told me about that guy you dated back in high school. Alex, right?"

"Oh, yeah. That."

She'd slipped when they'd come back to Toronto. She'd been giving him a tour and on passing the movie theatre where the premier of the Kevin Smith film had been held, she squealed, "Oh my gosh! That's where I had my first date with Alex!"

"Alex?" Paul had asked.

Paige looked shocked and pressed her hand to her mouth. "Um…someone I dated in high school."

"You never told me about an Alex. When was this?"

"Uh, senior year, after Matt. It was short-lived. I don't really want to talk about it." She was immediately saddened.

"Did he break your heart?"

"No, I was the heartbreaker. Let's not talk about this anymore."

The following summer they took a trip to Winnipeg to spend some time with Paul's parents and to start planning the wedding. After a long frustrating day with her future mother-in-law during which they'd argued over everything from the dress to the music to the honeymoon, Paige grabbed Paul and headed to her favorite refuge – the mall.

Paul was a good sport as she dragged him through one store after another, good naturedly carrying the ever-increasing amount of purchases she made.

"Oh my god! I need that suit!" cried Paige, taking Paul by the sleeve and pulling him into the store – and running right into a very familiar face.

"Alex!" Paige froze. This was beyond unexpected.

"Paige. Long time no see." Alex seemed like she was trying too hard to be casual and disinterested.

Paul looked at the two women, one stone-faced, the other smiling hopefully. He shuffled some bags around and held out his hand in greeting. "Hi, I'm Paul."

Alex glared. Paul took back his hand, not very impressed with this acquaintance of his future wife's. There were a few more moments of awkward silence before Paul recognized her. "Hey, I've seen a picture of you before. Weren't you one of Paige's high school friends?"

Alex didn't look at him. "Yeah, friends," she scoffed, saying the word friend as if it were a lead weight, implying that it was not the right term.

"Oh," he said, finally putting more pieces of the puzzle together. "Wait, you're Alex. I guess I always thought Alex was a guy."

"I'm sure Paige would have preferred you continued to think that."

"That's not true – "

"I have somewhere I need to be. I'll see you around." Alex moved hurriedly on.

"Alex! Wait a minute!" called Paige, running after her, leaving Paul alone. "Don't go running off again. I haven't seen you for five years."

"I don't have anything to say to you."

"I have lots to say to you. Do you know that I've been looking for you ever since you left town?"

"Do you know I don't care?"

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened with me and Spin. It was a mistake." Alex looked at her watch. "Where have you been all this time?"

"Around."

"Where did you go after graduation?"

"Up north."

"What do you do?"

"I'm an account manager for a small publishing company."

"So you did go to college after all. I hoped so."

"Just night school for my Associate's degree. Look, I really need to get going."

"No, not yet. Let me say what I need to say. Gosh, I've been hoping for this for so long, and I had all these speeches I wanted to say to you and now I can't remember any of them." Alex appeared unimpressed. Paige quickly sobered up. "Why did you leave? Was it because of me?"

"Not everything is about you."

"But was it?"

"Partly. I just needed to get away, you know. I needed to leave Alex Nunez behind, I needed to leave my family behind, and everyone I'd ever known, everyone who knew me. There was nothing left for me in Toronto anyway."

"I was there."

"You couldn't be what I needed."

"I could have been a friend at least."

"I didn't want you as just a friend."

"I really didn't want you as just a friend either."

"Well, you sure weren't good at showing that."

"I made a mistake. I wanted to correct it. You left before I had the chance."

"Well, looks like you're over it now," said Alex pointing at the ring on Paige's hand.

"It's been five years. I was starting to think I'd never see you again."

"Well, congratulations on getting over me. Sorry I missed the wedding."

"We're just engaged."

"Sorry I'm gonna miss the wedding then."

"What about you, Alex? Are you seeing anyone?"

"No."

"But you've moved on, right?"

"Sure. I get around. A date here, a fuck there, but nothing much more than that. I've been enjoying being single. Good for me to not attach myself to anyone, you know?"

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever. You live your life the way you need to live it, and I live mine my way. I need to get going though, really. Goodbye, Paige. Have a happy life."

"No, at least give me some way to keep in touch with you. A telephone number…an email address…something."

Alex reluctantly gave out her cell number and crammed Paige's business card into her pocket. She backed away when Paige tried to hug her and left without another word.

Later that night, as Paul showered, Paige tried Alex's number. It was a fake.

The next morning, she returned the ring. Paul was devastated. "Is this because of your ex-girlfriend? Are you still holding a torch for her after all these years?"

Paige didn't know why she was doing it. She swore that she didn't love Alex, but said that seeing her brought to head all the problems in their relationship and she couldn't possibly marry him. She moved out that same day.

Her therapist did what she could to help. "You're idealizing her," she said. "People change. She's changed, you've changed."

"I haven't changed much if I still care for her."

"You only care for the memory of her. And memories have a tendency to get fuzzy over time, leaving you with only what you wish to remember."

"I remember too many bad things for that to be true."

"Perhaps you just want to relive those moments, try to make them better. But you've got to accept that you cannot go back. Even if you were to find her again, it wouldn't be the same."

She tried to find her all the time. She'd searched every publishing company in Canada for Alex Nunez before deciding that either Alex had lied about that too, or had just changed her name.

Her ten-year high school reunion finally came round. This was her last chance, she decided. She knew she'd been in limbo since her last meeting with Alex, and the limbo was killing her. Her friends were all married now. Most had kids. She had nothing. Even Dylan had married, and teased her constantly about becoming an old maid. Yes, this would be her last chance indeed. If there was no Alex, it would be time to move on, time to find a husband – any would do at this point – and time to start thinking about children.

She spent most of her time at the reunion with Marco and Hazel, both of whom she was still friends with though the friendships had waned over time. She and Hazel never spoke of Alex. Marco wasn't so reluctant to broach the subject. "She didn't RSVP on the website, Paige," he said as they danced. "You're the only person who's seen her in years. She's not going to come. This isn't her thing, anyway. You know that."

Paige did know that, and still she held out hope. She stayed till the end, volunteering to help Marco and the rest of the reunion committee clean up. Alex never showed. Paige walked home with a heavy heart.

There was an unfamiliar car in her parent's driveway, with a familiar lanky figure sitting on the hood. Paige's heart suddenly surged with joy and fear.

"Alex, hi," she said, trying her best to keep her voice steady.

"Did I miss the reunion?"

"Yeah."

"Good," she said with a short-lived laugh. "I wasn't sure I wanted to go. Wasn't sure I wanted to see you. But I guess I did since I haven't been able to leave yet."

Paige took a seat beside Alex. "It's good to see you. I was scared you wouldn't come."

Alex stared at the stars for a few moments. "Where's your husband?"

"Paul and I never got married. Just didn't work out."

"Oh."

"I'm single."

"Good for you."

"Maybe good for you?"

Alex didn't say anything.

"Or not." Paige sighed and turned her head away.

Alex quietly placed her hand over Paige's. "Maybe," she said softly.

"I'd like to try us again."

"Me too."

"My therapist says it will never work, though."

"My shrink says the same damn thing."

"We could try and prove them wrong."

"We could."

Paige locked her fingers with Alex's. It felt good. It felt like everything she'd been missing for ten years.

When Alex's lips met hers that night on the hood of her car in front of her parent's house, Paige returned the embrace. And when Paige invited her upstairs, Alex barely hesitated to accept. And the next summer, two therapists received wedding invitations from former clients, both saying that they had been right: things weren't the same – they were better.


End file.
